Rana under the spotlight again

The pitch inspectors weren't interested at Bristol, but rumours suggest it's only a question of time before the player inspectors accuse Rana Naved of overperformance. After all, the evidence is there for all to see. In his first match back for Sussex this summer, Rana sent the stumps clattering and the batsmen back to the pavilion with the ball, gathering 7 wickets; he was also on fire with the bat, smashing 68 runs (not out) on a wicket which saw most (Surrey)batsmen scambling to reach double figures. All this from a man who barely made an impression with bat or ball over the last two seasons when playing for Yorkshire.

Rana: too good?

The reason for such immediate and impressive quality performance? Suspicions have been raised that Rana has been taking the little-known performance enhancing drug, phasmatis sussex per profundum (also known as the spirit of sussex), a stimulant which raises self-esteem, creating emotions of love and well-being, and a general sense of belonging. With the spotlight now on Rana's excellent performances, insiders suggest that there is growing pressure on all of the Sussex squad to be tested for the drug after a decade of overperformance which has seen them collect numerous trophies. Mark Robinson, the club manager, will be under particular scrutiny having openly spoken about the family atmosphere at the club and the focus on team-work at the expense of ego.

A statement issued by Yorkshire County Cricket Club, Rana's previous county, said: "He never played that well for us, but we note that he did perform like this when he previously played for Sussex in 2006 and 2007. It can't be a coincidence: such overperformance must be questioned."

Sussex were not available for comment, preferring to smile quietly to themselves instead.

Robbo: love-dealer?

Opening match of the season: Grade A

And it's now, now that we have won our first match of the season, that we can finally start to move on from Relegation Saturday. Despondance has been replaced with hope and not only that, we're finally playing teams we can beat! I must admit that when I saw that our first match of the season was away to Glamorgan starting on the 9th April, I assumed the game would get washed away. But no, the weather was on our side, and it was great to see (metaphorically speaking, via Cricinfo/Radio Sussex/texts from Dad) our side blossoming in the April sun. This was a proper team victory, one to which everyone contributed, the very best sort. There was an hour today, before lunch, when I started to get a sinking feeling that the game was going to fade into a draw. But who came to the rescue?! If only players were like buildings, and we could get a conservation order for Chris Nash ruling that he can never be changed, broken, misused or stolen. He is fast becoming the epitome of Sussex cricket and the new heart of the team. Long may it last!

Chris Nash: Listed Player.

Chris Adams: Take note.

It is never too early, I find, to check the table and confirm that we have gone from near the bottom (for alphabetical reasons only) to near the top. I do find myself slightly annoyed that some other teams had the cheek to win too, which spoils what would otherwise be a perfect Championship table, but I guess there has to be some give and take on these matters.

Meanwhile, on RHB-Watch, it looks like life at Surrey hasn't started too well. As if it wasn't going to be hard enough with all those proper grown-ups that he has to manage, some wise spark thought it would be a good idea to sign cricket's answer to the naughtiest boy in the school, Andrew Symonds, and throw him into the mix too. How can little Rory, even with his best prefect face on, boss around someone like that? All I can assume is that Chris Adams will be in charge of ensuring that Symonds is well behaved/turning up to matches/sober and will be the one playing Bad Cop to Rory's Good Cub. Two hours after we won our match, Surrey lost their first match of the season. Rory didn't get any runs. This provokes more complicated feelings than one might have thought. Firstly, I still think of Rory as sort of ours & don't want him to have a dreadful time. On the other hand - Surrey: ha! Can't just build a team like lego, can you?! But thirdly, I still would have preferred a draw - the fewer teams that win matches, the better. And fourthly, we play Surrey next and only a very naive person won't be fearing that that will be the match when Surrey (& Rory) come good...

PS Welcome home, Rana!